Emptiness.

This is the one emotion I didn’t expect this week. I expected relief, even excitement. But not emptiness. Yet, on Monday morning, I found it waiting for me like a thug on a dark street corner. I should have known better. For the past six years, the bulk of my emotional, intellectual, and spiritual energy has focused on my work at Sterling Drive. That’s about to come an end.

Like most people, I spend a good deal of December thinking about the past year and readying myself for the coming one. Only this time, for the first time in six years, my plans for the new year do not include Sterling Drive. This bothers me. I realize there are things I wanted to do here but didn’t. I had dreams for this place that never panned out.

I’m disappointed, but not confused. I think I have a pretty good grip on why things happened here the way they did. I guess that’s why I’m surprised by the emptiness. Just because something makes sense intellectually– as my leaving Sterling Drive does–doesn’t mean the heart isn’t going to protest a bit when the separation occurs.

I have an exciting potential ministry opportunity that appears to be becoming more of a reality every day. I can’t say anything about it now, but hope to be able to say more in a month or two. Even the possibility of this new work hasn’t dulled the emptiness of this week. I’ve just decided I’m glad. If I am able to leave Sterling Drive without grieving, then I have been here way too long and should have left long ago.