As a follow up to the Late for Church? post, I’m going to share with you a story someone sent to me today.
It seems that sometimes it is good to be late.
Why People Leave
When someone leaves a church to go somewhere else, they are almost never leaving solely because of the reason they give on the way out the door. They are leaving for a cluster of reasons. They’ve been disappointed a number of times with the direction of the church. Their core beliefs have been dinged up and offended. They’ve seen good friends leave for their own reasons. Their kids aren’t having fun.They’ve lost their job. They owe someone in the church money. They feel ignored by their small group. All of those things start to add up.
The way it usually works is that they accumulate a long list of reasons for why they’re thinking about leaving. Then something happens that functions as a trigger mechanism. It could be the most innocuous of changes or it could be a misunderstood comment from a shepherd. Once their switch is flipped, they’re gone. They will almost always only tell you what flipped their switch and not go into all the other things that have brought them to this decision.
Why is this important to know?
First, this means that congregational leaders and their critics can’t oversimplify why people are leaving. It’s not just the music or the children’s program or the sorry state of the parking lot. It’s more than that. If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to oversimplify this issue at Garnett I’d be able to go to the bank and cash in my coins and take my fam to Disneyland.
Second, if you really want to know why someone is leaving you’ve got to sit down with them and ask lots of questions and do lots of listening. If you ask good questions and sit there in silence long enough, you just might come away with a semi-accurate understanding of why they’re leaving. Maybe. They still might not tell you the whole story.
It’s no secret that we’ve had several hundred folks leave Garnett over the past few years. I’m always being asked why so many people have left. The truth is that I don’t know. Everyone wants a simple answer. They want to believe that there is one main reason that explains it all. One big mistake that was made. One controversial sermon that pushed them over the edge.
I’m sorry, but it doesn’t work that way.
Almost all of them had a stated reason for leaving. The moved. They died. They didn’t like the student minister. They didn’t like that we didn’t have a student minister. They didn’t think I was conservative enough. They didn’t think we were mission-minded enough. They didn’t like the way we did communion. They didn’t think our doctrine of the Holy Spirit was robust enough.The list goes on.
Those were all the stated reasons for their departure, but I promise you, except for those who moved or died, it is much more complicated than that.
The only thing more mysterious to me than why some people leave is why some people stay.
August 27, 2007 By 13 Comments
Late for Church?
In I Sold My Soul on eBay, Hemant Mehta describes a number of experiences he had while visiting churches across the country. He visited all different kinds of churches from the very small to the mega variety. What makes this book so interesting to me is that Mehta is an atheist. His descriptions of each experience are honest and balanced. He names the positives as well as the negatives in a kind and friendly tone.
In one chapter, he talks about a number of things that bothered him about his combined experiences at all the different churches. Here is one thing he mentioned:
Speaking of those who walk into church late, I want to know why they do so. Not everyone gets stuck in traffic. If church is so important, there is no reason to walk in late. In fact, if going somewhere to worship God is important, then people should arrive early. It seems completely disrespectful to me when people walk into the auditorium five or ten minutes into the service. And what’s worse is when parents come in with their children, who learn by example that walking in late is not a big deal. It’s just church, right? No need to get there on time. Is that what Christians want to teach their children?
Ok, assuming that there are valid reasons for being late–traffic, dirty diapers, small child meltdowns, etc–I find Mehta’s argument compelling. However, I must confess that if the same paragraph were written by a Christian I would have probably written the author off as a grumpy old fogey. Mehta is a young atheist and I’m willing to listen to his outsider’s perspective more readily.
Last Sunday, I mentioned Mehta and what he says about being late to church as a part of a larger discussion about the many ways we demonstrate disrespect for God or something that God has created.
It is a strange phenomenon. People who are never late for work, school, or soccer practice will saunter in 10 minutes late for the assembly and think nothing of it.
What do you think? Is the habit of being late for church that big of a deal?
August 23, 2007 By 28 Comments
God is Real
Last night we took the training wheels off of Elijah’s bicycle. It was past time. I had already raised them so high that they only touched when he rounded corners in our neighborhood.
As we were taking them off, I told him that once they came off they weren’t going back on. This was a speech my dad had given me while taking mine off. Then I told him that it was possible that he might fall down a few times but that it would be ok. My dad hadn’t told me this and I felt a swell of pride as I thought about all the ways I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes with my boys that my dad made with me. (If there were a font I could use to indicate sarcasm, I would have used it for that last sentence–twice.)
Hearing that there was a chance he could fall, Elijah put his hands in prayer position and sincerely prayed, “Dear God, please don’t let me fall off my bicycle. Help me to ride it.” His older brother and I said, “Amen.”
Once the wheels were off I took him to the middle of the road and told him to start pedaling. I only ran next to him for about fifteen feet before I let him go. He sped away down the street without a wobble. He looked like he had come out of the womb riding his bike.
I hopped on my bike and caught up to him. I complimented him and told him how proud I was of him. I told him how surprised I was that he didn’t fall at all.
He said, “I prayed that God would keep me from falling and I didn’t fall.”
Then he sighed and said, “Yep. . .God is real.”
I responded by saying a prayer of thanks for childlike faith. It was a bittersweet prayer however, because I know that as Elijah grows older his simple faith in a God who keeps him from falling off of his bike will be tested.
August 21, 2007 By 12 Comments
Inspirational Leadership
Here are some notes I took on Bill Hybel’s talk on Inspirational Leadership at the Leadership Summit last week. I really liked this talk and needed to hear it.
Inspirational Leadership:
As a leader, it is your job to keep yourself motivated.
How to stay motivated:
1. Stay crystal clear about our calling from God.
2. Leverage my spiritual gifts as God gave them to me.
3. Make sure players on my teams are inspiring people
4. Read inspiring books
5 Rub shoulders with exceptionally inspiring people every now and then.
6. Participate in events that are inspiring to me.
7. Pay attention to physical disciplines.
8. Pay attention to work environment–decoration, lighting,etc.
9. Participate in inspiring recreation outside of work world.
10. Practice daily spiritual disciplines.
Keeping others motivated:
–Motivate others by living a motivated life in front of them.
–Connect everyone you lead to a compelling cause.
–Learn inspiration language of everyone on team and use that language.
–ID and reduce every demotivating dynamic we can. (financial, benefits, low budget, environment)
–Celebrate every sign of progress toward long-term goals.
August 17, 2007 By 3 Comments
Telling Stories, Asking Questions, Learning Lessons
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